If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
