please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
