Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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