The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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