He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
