They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
