Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
