but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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