Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
