I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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