i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
