My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
