I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had sex on a roof
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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