Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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