You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
