Acid is not a monday night drug
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
