Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
