the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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