At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
