Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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