Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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