I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
