Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
