i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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