But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
