I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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