the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
