we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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