She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
