Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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