Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
