I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
