Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
