Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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