i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
two words: eviction party
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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