Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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