New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
