walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
