Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
