every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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