apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
