Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
