dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
