my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
