Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
