Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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