I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
