Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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