So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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