Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
