Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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