You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
