Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
