I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
