i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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