We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
