you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
