went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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