Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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