hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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