Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
